The TWO victims of insecurity

As promised, here is the post about THE NEED for women to support other women. (Men: this can apply to you too. I am speaking specifically to females due to the ever-rising issue of insecurity causing strife for multiple parties. Feel free to apply this to your life if it sounds familiar.)

Ladies, I'm sure we can all think of a time in our lives when it seemed another woman came out of nowhere just to make your life miserable. Undeserved. Uninvited. Uncomfortable.

In your work place, in your church community, in your family, or in your social group, this can happen anywhere there is contact with other females. It took me two decades to be open to the idea of trusting "girls." YOU know why... the not-so-subtle undercutting comments. The constant need to one-up. Trying to make themselves look like the best in the room. "Social competition."

It's easy to see this happening to you and think, "What did I do wrong?" Wondering why they don't like you, you can spiral yourself into a Not Good Enough category that you TRULY don't belong in. You do not deserve to feel less-than or unworthy. You are not a failure. That girl is INSECURE as all get out. She's taking it out on you and it's NOT FAIR.

All you can do is be confident. Maybe she will see your confidence and want some of it. Maybe she will look internally and realize that pulling you down doesn't pull her up at all.

In all honesty, there are two victims of insecurity. While insecurity is a tough topic in general (due to so many differing deep roots that it stems from), it's important to talk about. I had no idea that the reason I was being bullied was because of someone else's personal issues.

While there aren't very specific verses in the Bible about insecurity itself, there are many verses that deal with trials or ungodly thoughts that can be applied to these situations from both sides--

"Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:10-14

~ Lashing out in insecurity is not of The Lord. To fight against that impulse with the armor of God, is to put an end to the icky feelings that bubble up inside.

* As the person being attacked in these situations, it is so important to not take it personally. You have done nothing wrong. Remember to respond back in LOVE and not to stoop to her level. This will most certainly require God's help so "you may be able to stand your ground (v. 14)."

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:6-9

~ If you aren't happy with your life, the solution is not to attack other people who you are comparing yourself to. (After all, comparison is the thief of all joy.) Pray. Present the issues to God. He will give you peace and guard your heart and mind. I mean, the verse said it first! When God is with you and if you operate in the Holy Spirit, there is no room to pointlessly berate others.

* As the person experiencing hurt from the hurt person, it is so important to go back to God when the issues arise. God will take it from your plate. He is JUST.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

1 Corinthians 10:13-14

~ If you feel the comparison starting, the anger rising, the need to "win" occurring in your mind, then that's when you stop, take the thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), and make them obedient to Christ. He has provided a way out of temptations meaning you don't have to act on your icky feelings.

Women--we can do better. I DREAM of one day living in a world where female friendships are sought after. That "girls are scary" would never leave the lips of another human being. (Besides men maybe hehehe)

Let's strive to be happy for each other's successes. It's hard to support someone when you are constantly competing with them. In fact, it's exhausting to live like that.

Her accomplishments don't take away from yours.

Her beauty doesn't make you less beautiful.

Stop comparing and start being intentional.

Hurt people hurt people. This is why it's so important as both sides of this equation to go back to scripture and find our strength in the Lord instead of anywhere else. In all my years of being the target for some unknown reason, I have found that the only way to rise above these issues in confidence is to always look to God and carry the confidence He has given me. Responding Biblically, in love and with compassion, IS SO HARD. But I believe it's the only way we, as a society, will one day be able to surpass these issues altogether. I don't think insecurity will ever truly go away, but I think the way that it is emanated (if at all), will shift if we respond to it graciously. Maybe someday I'll come back and correct these statements; for now, I don't see anything wrong with following the example of Jesus.